Aside

Inner Peace or Conflict?

It isn’t often that I am alone. With kids, a husband, full time job and volunteering, I am always surrounded by people.   I saw this empty bench on a walk last week and the first thing I thought was, if I could choose anyone to sit with me, who would it be?

I find when I am alone I am filled with conflict about being happy.  How can I be happy alone? When I’m alone, I think about who I would rather be with. I think about what should I do with my time? How can I take advantage of the time and shouldn’t I be doing something productive?

I was recently given the opportunity to have the house to myself. My husband was off hiking and the kids were with Grandma. I thought about doing all kinds of projects around the house. I thought about all of the things I should be doing.  Then, I remembered to tell my inner voice to shut up.

Should is a word that I use in my head far too often. For whatever reason I think I should do lots of things and that doing other things isn’t good enough. For example, I should be thinner, should have a cleaner house, should decorate my house nicer, should be more organized, I should go out and do something fun…and the list goes on…I even thought, I should have the TV on just because it almost always on after dinner at our house.

It wasn’t until I realized that I didn’t need to do any of this, that I could finally relax. Trust me, it doesn’t come easy to turn off the inner voice but when you do, you will find inner peace.  I am happy in my skin, happy in my house and happy to just be. I know that whatever I did today was good enough.

My brother-in-law used to have a saying when someone was pouting about their sorrows. He would say, “You still have two arms!”  I think of this saying a lot.  There are so many things that we get stuck worrying about, the things we think we should be doing.  I have two arms. I have shelter, food and water. There is nothing else I should be doing except being happy. For most of us, life is really pretty good if you can put it into perspective and stop thinking about what we thing we should be doing.  Whatever you are doing is just perfect.

Stop saying should and start being happy!

Also, let me know who you would like to sit on the bench with.  I would choose my grandpa.  He was a fun and loving man that left us too soon.  I would love to tell him about my boys. He would be so proud.

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